


The Present is Based on the Past

by cauldronofdoom



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Confusion, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sex Pollen, Trope Subversion/Inversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:43:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/485268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cauldronofdoom/pseuds/cauldronofdoom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're not friends, not really. It's confusing at times, but Tony is used to people being confusing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate summary due to a specific thread on fanficrants: Can Tony and Steve overcome this animosity and find true love?

“Call me Tony.” He tells them after the battle. Bruce just smiles, as they’d already gotten past this stage. Thor is obviously delighted. He knows this is some sort of Midguardian bonding ritual, even if he’s not entirely sure of the significance. Still, he proudly proclaims the Avengers all his ‘shield-brethren’, which makes Barton laugh and Romanov elbow him. St-Rogers, smiles, but refuses to call him anything but ‘Mr. Stark’, ‘Stark’, or ‘Iron Man’. He also refuses to answer to anything but ‘Rogers’ from Tony off the field, though he does allow ‘Cap’ and variants while fighting.  
*  
The team does go out and fight, quite a lot, actually. Tony’s surprised. He’d been handling every conflict in the world by himself for most of a year, so it’s a little odd to fight terrorists and dictators with the team. Nice, but odd.  
*  
He built them all floors, because he does vaguely recall some team-building exercises from when he was in school and when he was working for SI, but not twenty-one yet. One thing that stuck was that teams stick together. The more time spent with people, the stronger the bond. The only people he’d ever wanted to have a bond with were Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy, so he usually avoided people if he could get away with it. They always wanted something, and it was exhausting at times to try and figure out what.

Those three had to ditch him for work, though, so they weren’t usually what would be considered ‘close’ for non-Tony Stark people. Tony figured they were, though, and they seemed to think so too, so he left it at that.

The Avengers, though, were going to be a little bit of a problem. He’d taken Bruce home like a lost puppy the first day, and invited Thor to drop by any time he was on Midguard, which he did without fail. (“It is easier,” He’d admitted sheepishly, “To find this giant, stationary building than to search for the Helicarrier from the Bifrost. Heimdall thanks you. Plus, there are less people pointing guns at me when I exit here, then tell the Director that I am here.”) Thor was a hoot to have around, and Bruce was coming out of his shell, but Tony knew that wasn’t good enough. If they were going to be able to take on Abomination, or Hydra, or alien invasions, then they all needed to bond.

Tony had a full-time job with SI as well as his work with Iron Man, so he decided to just move all of them into the tower. He couldn’t blow them off all the time if they lived there, right? Bruce would get him, or Thor would. He was pretty sure they would, anyway. Well, it was better than his chances of making it to the Helicarrier, at least.  
*  
Barton and Romanov moved in without a hassle. “Call me Clint,” The archer had said, “I like your entertainment system Star-Tony. Hey, Thor, how about you and me play some MarioCart?”

And that was that as far as Clint was concerned.

Romanov was quiet for a while and still obviously edgy around the Hulk. The first time he’d scooped her out of the way of a missile that no one else had seen coming in time obviously helped, though. She’d started smiling more, could be found in the lounge more often than not, and had taken up Tony-baiting as a sport. 

She let them call her Nat, though, so Tony figured it was a net win, Tony-baiting aside.  
*  
Rogers said no.

“It’s for the team. You can take weekends off if you’d like, I’m sure.”

“Thank you for the offer, Mr. Stark, but my answer is still no.”

“It’s Tony.” Rogers had just smiled at that, the fake publicity smile that Tony would know a mile away from doing it himself, and Tony had let it drop.

He’d gone back to the tower with something uneasy roiling in his stomach.  
*  
“You came.”

“Director Fury insisted, since our quinjet’s parked here. Thank you for the accommodations, Mr. Stark.”  
*  
They save the world, they fight, they adopt the Asgardian tradition of greeting fellows with an arm clasp rather than a handshake, and Tony and Clint help Thor write their assignments into ballads which they recite on ‘tv-less bonding night’, also known as Thursday. Natasha, who also had a crash course in American history, teaches Rogers about the last century (he was a poor kid in Brooklyn, which meant that even if he’d lived through it, he didn’t know what caused the Great Depression. It was just best to cover everything relevant) and Clint teaches Tony self-defence and throwing knives to help him protect himself out of the suit. 

It’s nice, in a way Tony never expected it to be. And if Rogers lets everyone but Tony call him by his first name, it’s not a big deal. The others know to leave them alone about it. Tony has four new people he likes spending time with, four new friends. It brings his total up to seven, which he hears is a lucky number. He’ll take that. It’s more than can be counted on one hand, which is more than he ever thought he’d get. If he’s probably never going to get to the point where he has to take his socks off to count them, then that’s okay. Natasha’s in the same boat, so it’s not even like he’s alone in that, either.  
*  
He tried a few times to get Rogers to call him Tony.

“Mr. Stark was my father. I’d rather you used my given name. Saying it that way makes me think you’re imagining I am him.”

Rogers was silent for a moment before giving Tony that bland smile that made shivers run down his spine. “He was a great man. Maybe I am.”

Tony never asks again.  
*  
Almost dying, a workaholic nature, and the lifestyle of a hands-on CEO are not conducive to a relationship. The breakup is hard on both of them, but it was harder to try and make it work. They’re still friends, Tony and Pepper, but it was killing both of them to try and be more. Natasha and Thor, who gave the best hugs, comforted Pepper, while Clint and Bruce comforted Tony. Happy kept his nose out of it, for reasons that became clear when, with Tony’s blessing, he asked Pepper out six months later. Rhodey called both of them from the base, making sure they were both okay.

Rogers stayed at SHIELD for a week until Natasha dragged him back for a fight, claiming that he had no idea what to do and didn’t want to make it worse. The others had unanimously and silently decided to let him, because the last thing Tony needed on top of his broken heart was a ‘Mr. Stark’.   
*  
The others got along fine with both, and were privately of the opinion that the two were very similar and would be great friends if only they’d just talk. Neither seemed interested in making the first move, though, so that didn’t seem likely to happen.  
*  
Tony hates magic.

Apparently the Enchantress’s name is Amora, and it is apt. It’s a fucking sex pollen. The Hulk is immune, as is Thor, and Widow and Hawkeye have already ducked inside the quinjet and locked it tight.

That leaves Tony with a drugged up Captain America plastered to him. There is no sense in his eyes, and Tony shudders in the armour, glad for his filters. It was a magic pollen, so he’s assuming there’s a magical cure. They just need to give Hulk and Thor time to chase her down, then jump up to Asgard and get a cure from Odin or Frigga. 

The armour’s not going to last long if Captain America actually starts pulling at it, as opposed to the frustrated tugging he’s currently doing. The only thing he knows of that could hold Rogers is on the Helicarrier, which is both pretty far away and pretty heavily occupied. Tony probably couldn’t detain Rogers for long unless he’s willing to knock him out, which he isn’t. Not while under a mind-altering effect. It had cleared up Loki’s mind control, but he’d rather do this the safe way and wait for Thor. He’d also like to keep the armour in working condition, just in case he needs it.

That really only left him with one option. “Not here, buddy. Give me two minutes to get us back to the tower, okay? It’s dangerous out here, and I’m kinda squishy without the armour.”

Rogers pouted and pulled at the armour half-heartedly, but allowed himself to be picked up and flown back to the tower. He moved to the side like Tony told him to while the landing pad stripped the armour from him, but was on him as soon as the footing was safe. 

“Tony! Oh, Tony. C’mere, just wanna… Bed.” He picked Tony up and manhandled him into his bed. Tony went willingly enough. Rogers may be an ass, but he was at least hot. It wouldn’t be the first time Tony’d slept with a jerk to get them out of his hair. This wasn’t consensual, not by a long shot, but Rogers had someone messing with his head, and Tony wasn’t going to add a physical fight to the fallout of this mess. Besides, he knew it wasn’t Rogers raping him, not really. That was all on Amora, and she was doing it to both of them. 

He coaxed Rogers through the motions of prepping both Tony and himself and insisted on a condom. Rogers kept twitching, and Tony knew Amora’s spell was designed to cause animal-like rutting. Prepping instead of taking was due to the good heart and strong will of Captain Steve Rogers, and Tony had never been gladder that his teammates were all such good people. Rogers kept trying to kiss him, to get him to fully cooperate… ‘make love’ instead of ‘fuck’, Tony figured he was going for. He could do that, could grip his shoulders, gasp and moan. He had, on occasion, designed in his head while whispering filthy nothings in a partner’s ears. It took almost no effort at all to act like he was enjoying it. In a purely physical way, he actually was.

He didn’t come, his brain off in space, but he figured Rogers must have three or four times before the spell was lifted. After each time he’d strip the condom off and snuggle with Tony until he rose again, calling him, ‘sweeteheart’, ‘love’, ‘gorgeous’, and ‘Tony’.

Tony never thought he’d be happy that Rogers refused to use his given name. It was one less thing to remind them both of this experience. He figured they’d remember. Amora wanted to hurt them, but they were all tougher than regular morning after walk of shames. 

It was like a switch when it ended. Rogers had just finished for what was probably the fourth time and tossed the condom in the trash, he was just moving in to cuddle with Tony when his eyes cleared and he suddenly went brick red.

Tony sighed and tried to lever himself up. It wasn’t happening. His body was aware that he’d just gone four extremely enthusiastic rounds of sex, and it wasn’t moving. He gestured to the closet, instead. “It was a sex pollen, all Amora’s doing. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at her. You are not a horrible person. It was not your fault. There’s a robe in the wardrobe, I’ll get your costume back to you in the morning. I’m going to sleep, you should try to do the same. Good night.”

Then he promptly rolled over and went to sleep.   
*  
He wasn’t surprised when Rogers came looking for him the next morning. He was surprised when the first word out of his mouth was, “Tony.”

What followed was a long, rambling apology that included that he’d never do that normally (Tony knew that), that he hoped it wouldn’t hurt the team (not on Tony’s side, at least), that he was very sorry (got that, you can move on now), and that he hoped he hadn’t hurt Tony (he hadn’t. Tony was sore, but not as much as one would expect. It seemed superheroing did good things for a person’s fitness level).

Tony was distracted by how he kept calling him Tony.

Rogers was red for the whole thing, and kept looking at the wall and shifting on his feet. Tony had expected him to be embarrassed, but this looked almost more like bashful, and Tony just couldn’t figure it out. 

Then Rogers said something that pulled Tony’s errant attention fully back to the blonde.

“Say that again?” Tony broke in, causing Rogers to look directly at him for the first time in the spiel. His blue eyes were determined, maybe a little hopeful, and yes, bashful. It was almost enough to distract Tony from the words he was saying.

“I said, I was wondering if you’d like to try again? A more, er, traditional approach, though. We could go for dinner or something?” Tony took the words apart in his head, turning them over as if it would help him make sense of what was happening. 

It didn’t.

“JARVIS, get me Thor.”  
*  
Rogers looked mortified as Tony rehashed the entire conversation with Thor, including his inner commentary. Thor nodded, but looked confused as Tony finished up. “Why do you tell me of this?” He enquired, reverting to his more formal speech mode in his puzzlement.

“Are you sure you got the right counterspell? And that all traces of it are gone from their minds? I’m worried she cast a spell where we’d treat the main symptom, but would leave behind a small trace to act as a backdoor. She could easily incapacitate or turn half of our members if this is the case, since Rogers, Clint, and Nat all got hit.” He catalogued but didn’t comment on the way Rogers flinched at his name. “And what if the immunity isn’t total for you and Bruce, too? No one out of the tower and maybe some of SHIELD knows that we don’t get along.” Another flinch. Interesting. “She could have assumed the lingering traces of unusual affection would be hidden by our normal behaviours.”

Thor looked grave. “That is indeed a most concerning possibility.” He looked over at where Rogers was standing, still bright red. “Come, Steve. We will go to Asgard and consult with my mother. She is very wise, and will no doubt clear up this matter in no time.”

Tony waved them off. “I’ll talk to the others, you guys head to the bridge. Come back as soon as you know what’s up.”  
*  
The others were all on tenterhooks as they waited. Clint and Natasha had already had people messing with their heads, and were wary of any situation where that was a possibility. Bruce was just terrified of what the Hulk could do in a villain’s hands.

Thor had returned swiftly, though, with a still-flushed Steve and good tidings. “She assures me there is no touch of magic still upon him, nor upon our companions. She assumes that I am likewise free of the spell, but I fear it is rather more difficult to tell with me.” He assured them with a smile, drawing relieved grins from the other three members. Tony just cocked his head to the side, shrugged, then headed back to his lab. Pepper was expecting that cell phone design, and he hadn’t been able to get any work done yesterday.  
*  
They went back to ‘Stark’ and ‘Rogers’, and Rogers didn’t bring up his temporary mental lapse again Tony ignored it the whole thing after theorizing that Rogers had just managed to sexually imprint on him like most people tended to do with their first. He had known Rogers was a virgin, but hadn’t really considered how he would feel the next morning with that as a factor. He was sorry he’d embarrassed the kid, but at least they knew they were all magic free.  
*  
Rogers had started smiling at him. Not anything big, but since he usually avoided even looking at Tony when he was in the room, Tony noticed.  
*  
Rogers came out to the team about two months after the incident. “My psychiatrist had said I was dealing well with my internal homophobia, but I really wasn’t. After Amora, I went back and we discussed it some more. I was confused because I am attracted to women, but it’s only a few men that get to me. I understand better now, and wanted you guys to know.”

Tony wasn’t sure why this was news, because he was pretty sure all of them were that level of bisexual. Besides, all of them had been judged before and did their best not to judge others. Still, if it made Rogers happy to announce it, it was no skin off Tony’s nose.  
*  
Four months after, and he brought a concern to Tony outside of mandatory team meetings. “It’s Clint.” Rogers had admitted. “I know you and Hulk are really good at catching him, but I think he really needs some kind of grapple to help him get off tall buildings without needing to save an arrow.”

“Let me think on it.” Tony said. “I’ll get back to the two of you in a few days.”  
*  
He wasn’t sure when they started bantering, but it had happened. Nothing big, just casual teasing comments here or there. Nat caught them at it first, but Clint had been the one to call them on it. Tony had blinked, then shrugged. He’d grown on Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy eventually, too. He was glad even Rogers couldn’t hate him forever, despite looking at him and being disappointed he wasn’t Howard.  
*  
He didn’t even know why Rogers was in his workshop. That said it all, that Rogers would be in his workshop for no real reason, and they would chat like normal coworkers. It was just a normal day, and then Rogers had called out “Hey, Tony, what do you think of Fury’s idea to try and recruit Spiderman? I’m trying to work in where he would fit best, but I think I need your brain on this, too.”

Tony just turned to him, head tilted to the side and blinking. “What did you just call me?”

Rogers went bright red, but stuttered out an answer gamely. “Uh, Tony. Sorry, I shouldn’t have, I guess. I just… I…” 

Tony waved off his stuttering excuses. “It’s a name. It’s a very good name. It’s my name. I was just surprised, that’s all. Spiderman’s not quite aerial aid, but he’s closer to that than a ground fighter. If you put Thor in the middle with his gung-ho, straight-forward approach, we can take the sides of the sky…”  
*  
He’d tossed out a “Later, Rogers.” After the kid’s goodbye, but Rogers hadn’t left. Tony turned back to him after a minute, confused by him for the second time that day. “What’s up?”

Rogers shifted from foot to foot, and Tony was reminded of another day Rogers had come to his workshop. “Well, I’d appreciate it if… It’d be nice… I’d like for you to call me Steve, if you don’t mind?” He somehow managed to turn it into a question, and Tony laughed.

“You’re adorable, Steve. You look like a giant puppy. Go tell Clint I want tacos for dinner, yeah?”

Rog-Steve left with a smile on his face, and this one didn’t make Tony’s stomach churn.

He really did like this ‘team’ thing. Apparently he was up to eight friends, which was all the actual fingers.

Eight was a good number.  
*  
(“How do I convince Tony I meant it?” Steve had asked Frigga in a private audience she’d insisted on when Thor brought him to Asgard.

She raised on regal brow in a look that was so mother that he couldn’t help feeling all of five years old. “If you were to rip up your sketchbook, how would you go about fixing it?”

Steve blinked. “I’d either have to match each individual piece to the picture it belongs with and tape them together, or start over in a new one. It wouldn’t be quite the same as the old, but I could fill it with new stuff all the same. Either way, it would take an awful lot of time and effort.”

“And why do you think fixing a relationship is easier than fixing a book?”)


	2. The Future Grows From Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's POV, as promised. I'm not sure I like this one as much, but I wrote it and I promised it, so... *shrug* Yeah. 
> 
> There will be no more.

Steve found Stark to be all sorts of unnerving. He’d always had good instincts, but he just had no idea what they were telling him right now. They’d apologized, in their own way, for those words on the helicarrier. Much of that had been Loki’s wand, but not all. 

Stark was enough to get under Steve’s skin, to make him say and do things that he wouldn’t normally consider doing. 

He was a bad influence, and Captain America couldn’t afford that. He’d have to stay away from Stark.  
*  
Staying away would be so much easier if it wasn’t for all the caped annoyances and megalomaniacal dictators popping up.

(“Out of the snow! Like daisies!” Stark had said, getting a laugh from Banner and Barton. He’d gotten pitying expressions when it became obvious he didn’t know, and he hated being pitied.)  
*  
Steve was the last one to move in, and it was only because Fury had all but demanded he do so. Hill had explained it to him later. “We’re at a point where people with grudges, even normal ones, have the technology and resources to get back at the people they blame. You have to both understand how and why they’re doing what they’re doing and be in a position to get there and stop them when they do. Living with the rest will help with both.”

It was delivered briefing-crisp, but he could see a hint of sympathy in her eyes. She wouldn’t want to live with Stark either, he was sure, but she would if it was for the best. 

Could Captain America do any less?  
*  
They were all mostly on a first name basis now. Steve still felt ridiculous in Stark’s presence, though, and Romanov watched them like the spy she was.

Then Hulk saved her life, and suddenly it was like the whole tower could breathe again. She said to call her ‘Nat’, and was capable of running Stark out of a room with only a few well-chosen words. 

She was Steve’s favourite, just for that last bit.  
*  
He felt stupid around Stark, stupid and slow and clumsy in a way he never had been. The man had a biting wit that often left Steve on the edge of rage and he was the incarnation of everything Steve hated about this time. He was loud, he was flashy, he had no substance, and he had no understanding of people. Everyone was expected to march to his tune, regardless of their own plans and ideas. His sheer arrogance, as if the world would order itself to his whim, was astounding.

Steve really didn’t know how he’d gotten to his age without being strangled.   
*  
Living with other people while bombs aren’t falling is… Well, it’s nice. Nat’s teaching him about everything that’s happened “while you were sleeping” (that had been another movie night punctuated by Stark’s loud commentary. Steve had decided to like the movie anyway, just to spite him (he could occasionally be petty, okay? He was just a person) though he told Clint it was just due to Miss Bullock. That had led to Miss Congeniality, which was much more fun) and Thor’s just as bad with technology (sometimes Steve ‘breaks’ his phone just to see that look on Stark’s face and remind him that everyone doesn’t bow to his expectations). They cook, they fight, they play, they eat, and they just exist with each other.

If it wasn’t for Stark bringing up his hackles and making him jumpy, Steve would have said it was perfect.  
*  
He doesn’t know Ms. Potts very well, but he certainly feels the tremors when she breaks up with Stark. He doesn’t know how she managed to put up with him for as long as she did, actually. She’s nice, though Steve’s never really warmed up to her either. 

It’s probably a businessperson thing. Seeing them from the bottom, when he’d been growing up, had left him with slightly bitter taste in his mouth when he thought of the ‘suits’. 

He goes to SHIELD for the week. Hill is nice enough to show him some new fighting moves and doesn’t try to make him talk about Stark’s tower and Stark’s money and Stark’s moods. And if she sometimes gets an almost mothering expression that’s uncomfortably close to sympathy or pity or something, well… It’s nothing he can’t handle, same with her ‘I know things you’ll never know’ spy expression. He’s seen both from Nat, and he likes her!

(No, he’s totally not upset that they let him leave, didn’t make him talk to Stark. He’s not moping, he’s not sulking, and he’s not hiding. And that glimmer of fierce joy when he’d heard the news? That was just being glad Ms. Potts was able to get out while she still could.)  
*  
A year. He’s been living in the tower for a year. For a year he’s had a roof over his head, clothing, proper meals, the finest in entertainment systems, luxurious living quarters (he had a studio. A studio. With floor to ceiling windows and an amazing view of New York), and all his favourite people.

He’d never thanked Stark for inviting him in. He’d never thought he’d be so grateful he did. So he tries, but it just never seems to work. He gets as far as calling Stark’s name when they pass in the halls a time or two (five, six if you count the time he walked into the wall out or nervousness), but can’t get the words out. He forgets what he said instead, probably something stupid. Stark always makes him feel so stupid.

Maybe he could give him a gift instead? They’d understood apologies without needing to say them before. He’ll think on it.  
*  
Steve hates magic. Not as much as Stark does, but when he gets a face full of magical glitter and his body seems to catch on fire, he’s pretty sure he’s giving the genius a run for his money in hating magic. 

Widow and Hawkeye have retreated to the quinjet, and… Oh. Oh. Yeah, locking it was a good idea. He kinda wants to pull it open, to join them, but he also really, really doesn’t.

What he wants? Is Tony. Tony, who is standing there in his armour. Tony, who always looks so majestic in his suit, a true prince of this future world. Steve can’t help himself, has to feel the smooth plates and delicate lines of that armour.

It’s not enough, though. The armour is incredible, it’s amazing, but it’s not enough. Steve wants Tony, who is far more than adjectives could describe.

He could rip those plates off, leave them scattered like flower petals behind them as he carried Tony off into the sunset like in a cheesy movie. Tony loves the armour, though, loves every piece and joint. Steve couldn’t hurt it. And Tony’s right, he’s too delicate to be on a battlefield without a functioning suit. He suggests the tower, though, and Wow, isn’t he smart?

Letting the platform take the armour off is almost more than Steve can bear. It’s like letting someone else open his gift. But he gets to watch Tony get stripped down to that black bodysuit he wears, and that makes it okay. 

He doesn’t remember getting to Tony’s bedroom, just remembers heat and Tony and his neck and his ass and everything. Then they’re in Tony’s bed, and they’re naked, and Steve just wants to claim him. Wants to clutch him till he bruises, bite him till he bleeds, fuck him till he can’t walk!

Tony says, “Slow down, soldier,” “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere,” and once, “Ow! Too much, buddy, too fast.” Steve feels awful about that last one, almost wants to stop. He hurt Tony! But Tony is still with him, is still holding him and letting him place apologetic kisses all over his face. He makes sure to slow down after that. Once was more than enough for that comment.  
*  
It’s amazing. It’s glorious. It’s with Tony, and that makes it perfect every time. Holding him after is more than Steve could ever ask, but Tony never says no, never hesitates when Steve urges him to open up again. 

And then what’s he’s doing suddenly hits him, and it’s like a train. Tony may not have said no, but he’d never said yes either. And Steve, Steve is huge now. Would Steve have even listened if he had? He’d like to think he would have, but he’s pretty sure it wouldn’t have worked out like that. Amora’s magic would have made him mad, and he’d have taken it out on Tony.

If there had been any part of his stomach not already roiling in disgust that idea would have caused it to.

Tony must see some of this in his eyes, because he tries to sit up, to reach for Steve. He can’t manage it, though. His expression is part humour, part sympathy, part tired, part pained, and an awful lot angry. Not at Steve, though, and he feels all his own not small amount of fury come down on her, too.

Tony mumbles something about not hating him and robes and uniforms, and then he rolls over and goes right to sleep.

Steve stares at him as he snuggles into his bed, totally flabbergasted. He’d just raped the man (and oh, was he ever going to have a hard time dealing with that), and yet Tony had just fallen asleep in his presence, as if there was nothing to worry about.

He doesn’t know what to do with the wave of affection that trust causes.  
*  
It’s a long, sleepless night for Steve.

He’d attempted to thoroughly flagellate himself for a few hours, but he kept flashing back to what Tony had said. Tony didn’t blame Steve, he blamed Amora. He wasn’t mad at Steve. He’d told Steve that he didn’t think Steve was a horrible person.

It was tough to get up the appropriate amount of self-hate for a situation like this when those words kept popping back up in his memory and turning him into a pile of goo.

Hating Amora, on the other hand, was easy. She’d used Steve to hurt Tony, and that simply wasn’t to be born. Thor had told them what Loki had said while the blonde had been trapped in the Hulk cage, and it was that idea that kept returning to Steve’s mind. If Steve ever caught up with the Enchantress, they would find out how ‘immortal’ Asgardians were, and screw the political ramifications.

Well, there was nothing he could do about her now. Instead he needed to focus on Tony, and what Steve was going to say to him in the morning.

Maybe… Tony had a lot of sex with a lot of people. Maybe they could just ignore it? Steve dismissed that thought as soon as it came to his mind. He didn’t want Tony to ignore it, and he sure as anything wasn’t going to be able to.

He’d never forget the way Tony looked under him, spread and moaning. The way he kissed, the way he moved, the soothing hands that brought Steve back when he was shuddering in bliss, the way he talked Steve through the preparations, never impatient or annoyed with his inexperience, the way he shivered when Steve slid in, taking it all the way…

He suddenly realized he was grinning, hugging himself, and very hard.

“Oh, this isn’t good.”  
*  
He liked Tony. That was the only explanation. And, as soon as he’d come to have that thought, he knew it was true. He liked Tony. Not like he did Thor, or Clint, or even Nat. He liked Tony.

So now he was going to apologize to him. Then he was going to try to do this right.  
*  
Steve had never been so embarrassed in his life. Tony’s first reaction had been to ask him to repeat the question. Then he’d stared at Steve as if he were a particularly vexing problem. Then he’d called for Thor and repeated the entire conversation to him. Were Tony and Thor an item? Had Steve missed something? He’d thought Thor was with that nice astrophysicist…

“Are you sure you got the right counterspell?” Steve blinked. Why would Tony think it was the wrong one? “And that all traces of it are gone from their minds? I’m worried she cast a spell where we’d treat the main symptom, but would leave behind a small trace to act as a backdoor. She could easily incapacitate or turn half of our members if this is the case, since Rogers, Clint, and Nat all got hit.” Steve flinched. A full year, and they were still on a last name basis. That was his fault. He’d messed up. How else had he messed up? “And what if the immunity isn’t total for you and Bruce, too? No one out of the tower and maybe some of SHIELD knows that we don’t get along.” He flinched again, reminded that they really didn’t. He may now know he felt so odd around the other man due to his attraction and growing infatuation, but Tony didn’t. “She could have assumed the lingering traces of unusual affection would be hidden by our normal behaviours.”

It wasn’t, Steve knew that. He also knew that he didn’t even have the right to the smallest intimacy, that of calling Tony by his name. He’d tossed that offer back in Tony’s face in the cruelest of ways months before.

(He didn’t really want Howard here, never had. Howard wouldn’t fit in Tony’s spaces, and Steve knew that. Everything he did screamed Tony, and no one else could touch that. He’d just never felt this unsettled by the other engineer’s presence, had felt more comfortable. Even before, if he’d managed to switch out Tony and Howard, he knew he’d only have talked about Tony anyway.)

He let Thor take him to Asgard, though, didn’t try to explain. He’d met Thor’s parents before, and he could really use some advice.  
*  
“How do I convince Tony I meant it?” Steve had asked Frigga in a private audience she’d insisted on when Thor brought him to Asgard.

She raised on regal brow in a look that was so mother that he couldn’t help feeling all of five years old. “If you were to rip up your sketchbook, how would you go about fixing it?”

Steve blinked. “I’d either have to match each individual piece to the picture it belongs with and tape them together, or start over in a new one. It wouldn’t be quite the same as the old, but I could fill it with new stuff all the same. Either way, it would take an awful lot of time and effort.”

“And why do you think fixing a relationship is easier than fixing a book?”  
*  
It wouldn’t be easy, but Steve returned to Earth determined to fix things with Tony.  
*  
Tony kept giving him odd looks. They were accompanied by a small smile, though.

Steve wished he knew what was causing them. Then he could do it more often.  
*  
He’d gone back to his SHIELD psychologist after the Amora incident. They’d gone through his relationship with Tony incident by incident, and Steve had been sickened by himself at the end of it. There was so much he’d blamed Tony for while the other man had been blameless.

For someone who’d wanted to protect people from bullies, he made a damn good one himself.  
*  
He’d finally screwed up the courage to start a conversation with Tony four months after Amora (134 days and about ten hours and seventeen minutes since he’d slept with Tony, but who’s counting?), even if it was about Avenging. It had been nice, and civil, and neither had snarked or fled.

It had also been about Clint and very short, but everything had to have a starting point.  
*  
Day 154 (okay, fine, he was counting) he’d come across Tony in the kitchen in the morning. He knew Tony was only up because he had an early flight (to Tokyo. Steve wouldn’t see him for days!), but he still hadn’t expected to walk in on him having his first cup of coffee. There was a look of pure bliss on his face, and Steve was suddenly, unaccountably, violently jealous. He’d hidden it, though, happy just to see Tony happy. “Is this supposed to be a private moment? Should I leave you alone with the coffee?” He asked, before remembering that they weren’t really friends, not yet, and that they didn’t do this.

Tony, though, Tony just smiled at him, a twinkle in his eye. “Oh, come on, Rogers. You know how shameless I am, and coffee likes everyone.” He stroked the cup, and Steve had laughed with Tony.

Suddenly even Tokyo couldn’t dent his mood.  
*  
Day 317 he slipped up and called Tony by his name out loud. He’d thought he’d messed up, taken liberties he wasn’t entitled to after his deplorable behaviour, but Tony hadn’t seemed to care. He’d just talked about Spiderman as if nothing big had happened.

Did Tony really not care? Had he forgiven Steve for a full year of rudeness and aggression within his own home? (Of course he had, Tony was wonderful. He never held a grudge. Steve didn’t deserve his forgiveness, of course, but Tony had given it anyway.)

It was in light of this that Steve found himself unable to leave until he’d hesitantly asked Tony to call him Steve.

Tony had laughed, but there had been nothing cruel in it and Steve had found himself smiling. “You’re adorable, Steve. You look like a giant puppy. Go tell Clint I want tacos for dinner, yeah?”

He’d headed upstairs determined that there would be tacos for dinner, even if he had to take the quinjet to Mexico for them himself and pay out of his own pocket. 

Two years, and Steve was finally on a first name basis with Tony. Things were looking up.  
*  
Tony showed up to more movie nights now that Steve and he were, well, friends, probably. Steve felt awful, like he’d been scaring Tony away before. Clint, Thor, and Bruce had been slightly smug the first time Steve had pulled Tony out of his workshop. He figured it was because they’d been smart enough to become friends with Tony at the beginning. 

Nat wasn’t laughing at him, though. At least, not that he could see. She was his favourite (after Tony, of course. No one was first-favourite beyond him).   
*  
Day 365 was tough, though only Tony seemed to pick up on it. “You okay, buddy?” He asked when he invaded Steve’s studio with a late-night snack that was actually dinner for Steve.

“I’m fine.” He’d said, but immediately felt bad about it. Tony was only trying to help, never mind that he was the problem. “I just… Today…” He shrugged then, offering Tony an apologetic smile instead of an answer.

“’Fine’, hunh? As in ‘thank Odin that bitch is still locked up and can’t mess with us like last year’ fine?” Steve had choked on his sandwich, and Tony pounding on his back hadn’t really helped much. “Okay, I’m going to take that as a yes, then. Are you… Are you having trouble over what Amora did? Should I leave? I could get Thor, he’s pretty good at this. Or Nat. You like Nat, don’t you?”

Tony was babbling now, and Steve waved a hand to shut him up. “No, no, you’re good. I just… I wasn’t sure how I’d react to seeing you, that’s all. It’s fine, though. I kinda, well… I kinda thought you wouldn’t want to see me today, and I didn’t… I really value your friendship, Tony. I wouldn’t want anything to jeopardize that.”

Tony huffed out a sigh and scooted closer to Steve. He picked up one of Steve’s charcoal-smudged hands and placed it over his shoulder, just where it joined with the neck. “From here you could both snap my collarbone or strangle me, but I’m not worried. You’d never hurt me. You didn’t hurt me last year. We’re okay, Steve. Promise.”

He stroked his thumb over Tony’s pulse, tromping all over the surge of glee at seeing the smudge left behind. He was not marking Tony, no matter what his hindbrain thought. “I did, though. Maybe not today last year, but last year. I didn’t mean to, didn’t realize I could, but I did. I…” 

He was cut off by Tony slashing a hand through the air violently. “I hurt Pepper and Rhodey all the time by accident. It doesn’t make it okay, and it doesn’t make it right, but they forgive and they assure me they love me anyway.” He was silent for a moment, but Steve let him think. “I’m not as good a person as they are,” He admitted, and Steve wanted to argue. But Tony wasn’t done speaking, and that was more important. “I’m not, but I can understand you being mad at me then, and it’s okay. You’ve changed your mind, right? Several board memebers haven’t, so you’re ahead of them at least. I’m not an easy person to know, and I don’t blame you for that, Steve. I don’t.”

That… Was unacceptable. Tony should never feel that way. He pulled him in until Tony’s head was cradled in the curve of his neck and stroked his back, hoping to sooth. “You’re a very good person, Tony, and I don’t really deserve your forgiveness. I never really wanted Howard here, Tony, I swear I didn’t. I just wanted something familiar, and you were just similar enough to ache. It’s not your fault, though, it never was. That was all on me, I was the one in the wrong. You’re Tony, and you’re perfect just as you are. Coffee dependence, recklessness, argumentativeness, and all.” Tony sighed out against his neck, and Steve lost his train of thought.

They sat like that for what felt like hours, both lost in their own thoughts and taking comfort from the other.

Even if he never got anything else, Steve figured he was pretty lucky just to be someone Tony thought he could lean on in moments like this. It was an effort, fixing them, but Steve knew it was worth it a hundred times over.

Tony would always be worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> No. No, they can't. And I really, *really* wanted a story where someone suddenly discovers they're being a jerk due to infatuation, says so, and the other doesn't fall into bed, but instead asks if they've hit their head and would they like to sit down?


End file.
